Misery

                "Misery gives a certain solace. You remain in crowd. Everyone comes and keeps asking what is wrong. And when you answer, they say – “Oh! So sad!”,“Sorry, it happened this way.” And you feel you are somebody. You are not alone. What is happening to you is happening to everyone. You are ‘normal’. No one comes to disturb you, no one expects anything from you, no one says anything to you. Who wants to be blamed for hurting a miserable person? So all the boyfriends, girlfriends, wives, husbands, couples, couplets, families remain in misery and pretend to each other that they are happy."

Truthfulness

Truthfulness will have its own hard way. Because you don’t know what is right or what is wrong. You are just being honest about whatever is. The people close to you might start pulling away. But face the danger, take the risk. Even the dogs keep barking when no one is around.

                             Be a lion and roar in the face of danger.

                             You don’t need to keep roaring. Roar once and let the silence that follows do its work.

Love is not Slavery

Love is not slavery. Not physical nor mental. Love will bring a great responsibility. And the only responsibility is being honest. Right or wrong doesn’t matter. If you are accepted for your honesty, good. If you are rejected for your honesty, good.

Death

“The other night, suddenly, the lights went off. Everything dived into deep darkness and silence. A thought struck me about how death is going to feel like. It would be sudden, unexpected in darkness and silence. Everything will part from me in a moment’s notice. The clothes I wear, the bed o which I sleep, things which have been learned and things which have been unlearned, all the realizations and understandings, the memories of joy and misery, the moments with loved ones.

             All, just in a moment’s notice. For the first time really, the fear of death struck me. Honestly, it was horrible.

              And, the lights went on suddenly.

              And really, for the first time light entered my soul.”

19-10-2016                             

                                What is letting go? I used to ask myself a lot. I used to think it means saying goodbye to people or things or putting an end to situations which make you feel worried, vulnerable. But then I realized, letting go is holding the door open and watching people come and leave. Sometimes, you feel pain when some of people are leaving. You want to shut the door and keep them inside forever. So much great they have been and so much great have been the moments that letting them out mean they will take all that with them.

                                    Or sometimes you want to shut the door on someone’s face because they left the house. You don’t want to let them in. But don’t.

                                    Shutting the door before someone leaves is fighting. Shutting the door after someone has left is running away. Don’t fight nor run away. Letting go means holding the door open and if you feel like crying because someone is going, cry. If you feel angry, be angry. But nevertheless, keep the door open. Let those who want to come, come, those who want to stay, stay and those who want to leave, leave.

                                     If you make people to remain in the house against their will, they will take revenge on you, unconsciously. Because it is not their home, not everything is in the way they want. So, they will try to convert your home into theirs. And then you will be restless. And you will fight with them on the subject – ‘What is the best way for a home to be?’

                                    Instead, let them go, let them make their own home, let them be in it. So, even you can go to visit them at their place, you can become their guest someday. And do not shut the door at someone’s face, because it will be only you who is denying yourself great moments.

                                    Whole world has become hell because someone is holding someone against their will. Husbands and wives, girlfriends and boyfriends, friends…Schools holding children against their will, religions holding people against their will…And thus the silly questions have started…

                                    ‘Which religion is better than other?’

                                    ‘Which nation is the best in the world?’

                                    ‘Which is the greatest culture in the history?’

                                    ‘What is the ideal character of a man or a woman?’

                                    ‘How should a boy behave and how should a girl behave and what is the right way of behavior between boys and girls?’

                                    ‘What is the ultimate purpose of life?’

                                    ‘How is sacrificing yourself for others, society, nation the greatest value?’

                                    And so on…

                                    But all these questions are as silly as ‘What is the best way for a home to be?’…Because, there is not. There is no best way to keep your hair, no best way of dressing…There is no best way of nothing…Just let everyone leave and be at their own home so no one will care about what is the ideal way of a home. They would be happy in their own homes.

                                    What is wrong with the world? It is in the fact that if two men say they hate each other and they want to kill each other, they are ready to go to war, use missiles, nuclear bombs and destroy people who are not even involved in the conflict in first place, then it is okay for the society. They will help them, nurture their ego, and idolize them. But if two men say that they love each other and want to embrace each other gracefully and kiss each other and no harm is being done to anyone in anyway, it is not acceptable. If one woman keeps other woman under her domination, will, her daughter, daughter in law or anyone for that matter, it is ‘the way it always has been’. But if two women say that they love each other and they want to kiss each other, want to make love with each other, society will condemn lesbians.

                                    ‘What is wrong with these fucking idiots?’…

                                    If a man wants to build his muscles, tone his body and show off wearing shorts, it is okay. But if a woman wants to tone her body, beautify her attributes…these fools start talking.

                                    You think that everything is happening out there between someone else, you are wrong. Everything is happening right within you. We have become experts in blaming governments, parents, teachers, leaders etc. We have become experts in pushing responsibility on others.

                                    First, you will have to look inside to see, whom you are holding against will. Then you will realize which foolish bastard is holding you against your will. The home that you are fighting for is not your home in the first place. You are a prisoner. You have been imprisoned for so long and in such a way that you have forgotten that it is still a prison. You are not at home. You need to get out, get past some foolish bastard.

                                    Because the world is not confined to the walls that you see. It is exactly outside. It is outside the prison that you will find your home, your place, exactly suitable for you. 

                                    What are you waiting for?

                                    Go and Let go!

                                    Stand in the midst of chaos and open your hands. Let everything slip away. Let everything lose. Then, what remains is enough.

                                    “Those who live in huts, dream of having the palace. Those who live in palace, fear losing the palace. Those who live…know that happiness has got nothing to do with the palace. It has got to do with the losing the dream and the fear.’ 

16-09-2016

                       The deeper you want to express, vaguer you become. Poetry is vaguer than anything and music is much vaguer than that. That’s why may be sometimes I find myself trapped. I find inability to express what I am feeling. I feel like words no longer convey what I want to say and that if I say what I want to through words, the beauty becomes ugly. And people often misunderstand silence. They feel offended because I haven’t said anything as a reply or as an answer. But they can’t understand how the effort to put into words makes everything ugly.

                                                                                जो भी मै कहना चाहूँ, बरबाद करे अल्फ़ाज मेरे...

                    And sometimes I envy all those people who are good at playing instruments. Guitar, keyboard, flute or anything. Because they have a medium to express that which is wordless, or rather beyond words. I am trapped between the words and the silence. The words are meaningless and the silence : misunderstood. The problem with words is that moment you say anything it either becomes right or wrong, for anyone. Have you ever heard a music piece becoming right or wrong? Boring? May be. Exciting? May be. Calming? May be. Boosting? May be. But right? Or wrong? It can’t come under that category. Because right or wrong exists only with reference to the words. Because even they are just words. When the words disappear, there is no context of right or wrong.

                                                Forget the words and let music start. And forgive me if I keep writing vaguer. It is not because I don’t know what to write but because I know writing is not possible. And now I think I should stop. I have already crossed the limit. And if I keep insisting to myself to express through words it becomes a burden on the heart. And strangely, that burden can’t be released through words.

                                                So I choose to become silent. I would rather touch, hug, cuddle than say, “Wow, I love you!” I would rather turn away than to keep answering that which cannot be answered. I would rather stop than to keep writing. So; I stop. They have already become heavy, the words. I should just slip away from them before they start deluding me again.

24-07-2016               

                   An egg was hatched and a small bird was born. As soon as it was born, he was put in a cage. Of course, he couldn’t understand it all. Everyone loved him for the way he was, everyone admired his beauty. He was fed very nicely while everyone was appreciating him at the same time. The cage was also big enough for him to run, jump, climb and hang around.

                                  Time passed and our little beautiful bird soon grew into a full grown mature bird. His tail was long, longer were his wings and so his peck. He looked astoundingly more beautiful than before. Everyone still admired him. Since, the cage was small for him now; he was placed in a bigger cage. He was still fed very nicely according to his taste.

                  One day someone left the cage opened accidently. The bird peeked out and came out. Unable to control his weight he dropped down from the cage on the floor directly. Agonizing pain filled his head. Never in his life ever had he felt so much pain. He was unable to move on his own. Later, someone picked him up gently and put him back in cage.

                  Still paining badly, he promised to himself that he would not set his foot out of the cage again. Even when the cage was opened accidently, he didn’t even make an attempt to come out.

                  This is what had happened to him! He had lost his very instinct to fly!                      

                  And this is what happens to us! We loose our very instinct to be free when we are so much used to the cage. We are raised in a cage for long time and it is quite comfortable. Hardly one notices that it is but still a cage. A cage of norms, cage of religions, cage of relations and cage of our own beliefs about others. And so much is the pain for coming out that we choose to remain inside.

                   But once, one has had a taste of freedom he gradually starts to find everything else, tasteless. He tries in vain to find their original taste in their little old world. But, alas! The die is cast already! He already has had a glimpse outside their world.

                   And that’s what happened to our bird too. While in cage, when he was being fed, taken care of; he remembered those moments when he had tried to come out. He would remember how his wings had tried to help him in vain and he had lost his balance. But he could already feel a new strength in his wings. He was already fluttering them violently in case another situation came up when he had to balance.

                  And soon, a situation came up. The door was left open accidently. This time, still frightened inside, he peeked out and jumped. Fluttering the wings hard, he tried to balance, almost to crash. But the pain was much less than before. Trying to fly further, jumping here and there he reached a window.

                  When he looked out he was flabbergasted. The ground was so much below! He calculated the pain he would suffer if crashed on the ground from that level…He would die!

                  And that’s what happens to us. We think we will die if we try to come out of the cage.

                  Nevertheless, the bird decided to remain on room floor than to return to his cage. He found the room much more pleasant. The family decided that he would be allowed to roam around in the room since he was bigger now, of course, the windows were to be remain closed.

                  But the die had been cast already. He already had seen a glimpse of world outside. And soon the room was not enough for him. Flying all over the room, he felt his wings stronger. He knew he was free but it was still a cage; a bigger one. And he was attracted by the trees, the wind, the birds and the sky. But he also knew, once outside there would be no one to feed him. There would be no one to pick him up if he was to crash on the ground. And once outside, there would be no chance for him to return to his room!

                  And that’s what happens to us! We realize that the journey is not going to end. Rather it is going to become more arduous, more painful. We realize that we may not have the strength to deal with what is outside. That we may end up in just another bigger cage. And there would be no chance of return after the leap.

                 So, what’s the point?...Jumping from a cage to another, creating the pain ourselves?....

                 “But once, one has had a taste of freedom he gradually starts to find everything else, tasteless.”…

               

  One day, the window was left open, accidently…

                 The little boy from the family entered the room. He called out to his father.

               

  “He flew away!”

                -“Hmmm”

                 “Why did he leave us?”

                -“That’s a question you should never ask the one who has left. You should always ask that to yourself.”

                 “Let’s check on the ground in case he has fallen on the floor like last time.”

                -“Never mind…He wouldn’t have taken the leap, if he had thought he was going to fall.”

                 And thus, the bird became free. He might have flown to the sky or would have sat on a tree or may had became busy in catching his food…We never know where we end up once we get out of the cage!

                 The boy kept looking for his signs, but never saw him. He would keep looking at his cage, which lay empty. He called out to his father.

                 “This cage has became just a memory now!”

                -“That’s right. Let it be. Cages are always supposed to be memories, never the present!”…

                 Dedicated to all my friends who want to fly high, but are just waiting for their wings to become stronger…