When two people fall in love, it is probably the first time both of them realize how much happy they can become in their life. Never before in their life had they felt so much joy, such a zeal of energy, so much of throbbing heart. The life becomes suddenly filled with colours, everything starts to look beautiful. Be it waiting for the other's just appearance for 4 hours or sending a goodnight message with a smiley on a random day. Life seems perfect and nothing else is required really. It doesn't matter really what you are doing in your life, you are happy no matter what. All would have been wonderful if the two would have lived happily ever after. This is where all our Bollywood movies end. But strangely, life just doesn't seem to end at that point.
If you have looked upon your quest of happiness a bit more deeply, you find that you are quiet uncertain about where happiness lies. You eat a burger at some place and you are just overwhelmed by it's taste. Never have you tasted something like this. You decide you will eat a burger everyday at that place. As the days pass, burger is no longer tasting that great. You like a dress and you want to buy it. You buy it and soon it becomes old, boring. You are listening to radio. And suddenly a new song starts playing, you are just overwhelmed by it's beauty. You are still in awe when the song ends. You don't know what song it is. Now you have to wait for a long time when you can hear it again. You keep searching through channels for long time, through advertisements, through other songs in vain. After about 9 hours suddenly, when you are least expecting it, you hear the song. You are still in awe, but this time smartly you have memorized a part of lyrics. You ask Google for the song it gives you within seconds. Now, having it in your phone you don't have to wait that long for it. You can listen anytime you want. Strangely, after hearing 4 5 times, you are no longer amazed by it.
Strangely, in life, you are happy as long as you long for something. Once you get it, it becomes nothing for you. You always think having 'that something' will give you more happiness but once you have it, you still feel empty.
So, when two people fall in love and chase each other, wooo each other, and flirt each other they start to think that this is the best thing in their life. Of course it is, because it gives eruptions of joy inside their heart. But unfortunately, as we have seen, the life doesn't seem to end at this point. Life continues and soon the people realize that the other person is sure a source of joy. So, they make commitments to stay with each other forever, and be there for each other every time and swear to make each other happy from the core of their hearts.
Now, they no longer have to wait to get a glimpse of their loved ones. They don't have to flirt or chase them. They can just call and ask the other to meet them. Texting goodbyes at night becomes a routine thing. Meeting for tea or coffee becomes a habit.
Sometimes she offers her shoulder when he wants to cry, sometimes he stands up strong when she is weak. Both are filled with respect and love more than before. They come to know a lot silly and secret things about each other. It would have been perfect if life would have ended at this point. Strangely, life wants to continue.
Now, they get engrossed in their routines just the same way as before. The feverish charm of love starts to fade away. The same things which were a great escape from routine, now become another part of routine.
If you know something about routines, they suck. Oh, at least when they start to suck out life in you. It's tendency of human mind to constantly seek for newness but at the same time it also wants a constant security. Now, how these both things are supposed to co-exist, only god knows!
So, when two people fall in love and experience all kind of bliss and make commitments to let that bliss continue throughout their life but often find themselves stuck in between state of loneliness and togetherness, they often choose from following two options. Actually, there are only two options available, but at such times those people tend to think that they are making the best choice.
One way is to break away from routine, which is popularly known as 'break-up' . Under this option people refuse to maintain any commitment further. Going through lot of pain initially when they separate, they start to feel light after a certain point, they find a sudden sense of joy returning, a new phase of freedom returning. They feel that this is it! This was the reason for all boredom, misery. The other person is often found to have resemble the characteristics of one of the sub-types. Now, let me not get into the details of these subtypes and their characteristics in details, a separate article would be required to tell about them. But they are generally named as 'majnus' , 'aashiqs' (these lot are self declared, poetry-sher-o-shayari may start to pop-up in their heads, or their whatsapp statuses. If you have observed such symptoms, be sure to listen to them patiently). There is also another category 'jab-tak-hai-jaan types' who go on saying that 'jab tak wo wapas nahi ayegi har pal maut se khelta rahunga' (They are really rare, if you find one seek their blessings. But beware, you run the risk of getting them killed on their own will)
The other way is to make further commitments, strengthen the old ones. Often, people in this category get married without getting married. They often have so much amount of duties, do's and dont's, that people around them start to wonder why have they become suddenly so lame and obvious instead of the 'cool bro's' which they used to be, before.
The basic underlying principle behind two streams of reactions is the constant search of human mind for newness. The breakers break away from old to get a new stimulus. The committing people get them by imposing new, extra rituals, by laying down rationalised rules. However, the fact remains that breakers still get attached to a new person (i.e. a new routine with new stimulus) and the committing get engulfed and sucked into routines however much they try to make it interesting.
People often start to wonder why and where exactly all went wrong. It often starts blame games, hatreds, jealousy, misconceptions, prejudice between people. What they don't understand is they had started to associate their beloved with their happiness. Which is a good thing because they feel everything was getting right just because of that single person. So, when the tide turns and they keep feeling bad for apparently no reason they start to associate the same person with it. (Since he/she was the cause of happiness he/she must be the cause for absence of it.)
Some changing the song to repeat the cycle and end up in vain where they started, while some keep playing the same song till they suck out all the pleasure out of it. Now, what do i mean by that? Stop, before you jump to conclusions. It is tendency of human mind to jump to conclusions of extreme polarities to maintain it's security.
What people fail to understand may be, is changing partner is creating routine with another person. It won't help really. Nor will intensifying routine habits will do that.
So, what is the answer? Well, if i say that, i might begin to be known as the next "enlightened master". The fact is, i don't know. But another fact is, the answer lies behind and beyond very these facts.
And if i have to say the answer without mystifying it further i would say : embrace the insecurity and be the balance. Don't renounce nor indulge. And do both. Now, what does that mean. Forget it!!
What is important is to realize that ultimately, it is ourselves in which our happiness resides. Nothing, no person can make us totally happy, unless we already are. The other can induce the feeling to an extent.
Beware, i just poured sown the wisdom of sages and ages before you. But, please don't bow down to me for master with respect.
Instead, why don't you comment on my blog and help me increase it's popularity.
Hahaha!!
