16-09-2016

                       The deeper you want to express, vaguer you become. Poetry is vaguer than anything and music is much vaguer than that. That’s why may be sometimes I find myself trapped. I find inability to express what I am feeling. I feel like words no longer convey what I want to say and that if I say what I want to through words, the beauty becomes ugly. And people often misunderstand silence. They feel offended because I haven’t said anything as a reply or as an answer. But they can’t understand how the effort to put into words makes everything ugly.

                                                                                जो भी मै कहना चाहूँ, बरबाद करे अल्फ़ाज मेरे...

                    And sometimes I envy all those people who are good at playing instruments. Guitar, keyboard, flute or anything. Because they have a medium to express that which is wordless, or rather beyond words. I am trapped between the words and the silence. The words are meaningless and the silence : misunderstood. The problem with words is that moment you say anything it either becomes right or wrong, for anyone. Have you ever heard a music piece becoming right or wrong? Boring? May be. Exciting? May be. Calming? May be. Boosting? May be. But right? Or wrong? It can’t come under that category. Because right or wrong exists only with reference to the words. Because even they are just words. When the words disappear, there is no context of right or wrong.

                                                Forget the words and let music start. And forgive me if I keep writing vaguer. It is not because I don’t know what to write but because I know writing is not possible. And now I think I should stop. I have already crossed the limit. And if I keep insisting to myself to express through words it becomes a burden on the heart. And strangely, that burden can’t be released through words.

                                                So I choose to become silent. I would rather touch, hug, cuddle than say, “Wow, I love you!” I would rather turn away than to keep answering that which cannot be answered. I would rather stop than to keep writing. So; I stop. They have already become heavy, the words. I should just slip away from them before they start deluding me again.